Throughout the season, we’ll be posting press box food spread rankings for each of the Philadelphia Eagles’ road games. This is probably of no interest to you if you’re a sane human being, and, well, I don’t care. I’m doing this anyway.
What’d they have? Pregame, they had Caesar salad, various pasta salads, turkey and Italian hoagies, roasted veggies, chicken, New England clam chowder, cookies, fruit, Häagen Dasz ice cream bars, and Häagen Dasz ice cream. At halftime, they had some chicken Caesar wraps, and added a few different kinds of brownies.
Throughout the year, it will just be assumed that every team has bottled water, a soda machine, and coffee, unless otherwise noted.
What’d I have? Pregame, I had the Ceasar salad, and added chicken to it, two cookies (one with chocolate and peanut butter chips, and one chocolate cookie), and a tiny thing of ice cream, which was melted. It was almost like doing a shot of liquid ice cream, which was actually really good. At halftime, I had a chicken Caesar wrap and a brownie.
Grade: Overall, the food was good, but the pregame Caesar salad paired with the chicken Caesar wrap at halftime is some pretty uninspired repetitiveness. Still, not a bad effort for the preseason. I’ll give them a B+.
What’d they have? Pregame, they had a salad bar, bruschetta chicken, penne bolognese, green beans w/tomatoes, rice pilaf, beer brats, hot dogs, popcorn, and some assorted cakes and cookies. At halftime, they had giant pretzels. Postgame, they had mozzarella sticks and chicken wings.
What’d I have? Pregame, I had the bruscetta chicken, penne bolognese, and rice. I also had a hot dog, because it’s a common press box food, and I felt like the hot dog would help me differentiate from other press boxes. And I also managed to shove both a chocolate chip cookie and a piece of red velvet cake into my face.
The chicken was tough, the penne bolognese was watery, the hot dog was just bad, and the cookie was arguably the worst of all the press box cookies in the NFL that I’ve tried. On the bright side, the rice pilaf was OK, as was the red velvet cake.
At halftime, I had the giant pretzel, and meh, it was OK. I think the perceived appeal of it is that it’s huge. Unfortunately, being a big pretzel is less important than being a good pretzel. Anyone can go back for seconds, so my preference would be to have a normal-sized pretzel, and if I really want to eat like I’m in a shame spiral, I can go back for more.
Postgame, I could tell the mozzarella stick was going to be awful, and it was. It’s hard to mess up mozzarella sticks. Then again, it’s hard to mis-evaluate Carson Wentz as badly as the Browns (and Cian Fahey) did. But ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. The wings looked equally gross, so I didn’t even bother getting my fingers messy to try one.
Grade: I give the Browns credit for having a some variety. I remember covering the Eagles-Browns Week 1 game back in 2012, and they had little more than a basket of fruit. However, the food itself was mostly bad, and the setup was even worse.
The food was in this room in which the line went to the left upon entry. The first thing in the line is the salad bar, which takes the longest amount of time among any of the press box foods. You’ll have some dude getting individual pieces of lettuce with tongs, and then croutons, and then carrots, and then cucumbers, and then chopped up hard boiled eggs, and then dressing, etc etc. It just takes forever.
Normally, you’d be able to just skip ahead of the salad dorks, but that’s not an option in Cleveland, because the line extends outside the door. You can’t just walk into the room ahead of everyone else in line and be line, “Nah, it’s cool. I’m just getting a hot dog, bro.” Your ass is waiting in that line whether you want salad or not. Diagram here:
A much more line-friendly setup would be to switch the salad with the hot dogs.
Anyway, I’ll give the Browns a D+.
Next up: Buccaneers
Season, to date
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