On Saturday, writing for The Daily Beast, Erin Gloria Ryan penned an article titled “Oh, The Places Ivanka Won’t Go” — a parody of the famous Dr. Seuss children’s book, Oh, The Places You’ll Go! that highlights outgoing first daughter Ivanka Trump’s status as social persona non grata.
“Go f*ck yourself! Today ain’t your day. You’re out of the White House! You’re off and away! You’re deposed in D.C. Macy’s won’t sell your shoes. And if you run for office, You’re certain to lose,” began the parody.
According to recent reports, Ivanka has ambitions of running for office, but barely any base of support for doing so. She is facing an investigation over her role in the misuse of inaugural funds for the Trump campaign. And she and her husband Jared Kushner have reportedly spent $30 million on a plot of land on an exclusive island for the super-rich in Miami — a seeming acknowledgement that they are not welcome back in the elite Manhattan social circles they occupied prior to their roles in the Trump administration.
“Go to Florida! A place that is surely not sinking, Your neighbor, Tom Brady, stands next door, unblinking,” continued the parody. “An island of rich guys! And their tacky wives! An island of only The most matter-ing lives! No more pretending you care about others, Finally, finally, you’ll have all your druthers, You won’t have to pretend that you’re on vacation, The next time your dad endorses Aryan Nation! No more boos, no more jeers, Or electoral defeats. You’re finally living Among the elites!”
“And back on the mainland, Where things are not fine, Your time in the White House will be a punchline,” added the parody. “And will you recede? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)”
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